Is your child a hoarder?

By: Kelly Jo Mcdonnell

How to tell when kid collections become unhealthy

Moss-covered rocks. Dusty LEGO sets. Countless sticks, crammed into a corner. These are the “treasures” of my 11-year-old’s room.

I’m well aware of his love for stuff. It’s a fun ritual when he’ll show me his collection of rocks, cards or erasers. But I’m starting to wonder if his little collections are getting out of control. Desk drawers are chock full of pencils, gum wrappers and toys. Boxes and containers are filled with knickknacks of every kind, including old Christmas decorations he didn’t want to put away.

When I try to get rid of something, he’ll try to grab it out of the garbage, insisting that he still needs it. It got me thinking: Kids don’t hoard like those folks on hoarding TV shows, do they? As I stand in the middle of his room, wondering where to start, I think: Maybe those adults on the TV started out just like this.

When collecting isn’t really collecting

Kids like collecting. In fact, it’s a classic rite of passage for kids and a normal part of child development.

In his book, Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, Randy Frost explains: “Collecting is very important to kids, starting at about age 2, when they learn the meaning of the word ‘mine,’ up until early teenage years.”

But there’s a fine line between creating collections and hoarding, according to the Bio Behavioral Institute. If your child collects and displays treasures — and is proud of his or her collections — that’s a good sign. And the same goes for kids who are happy to talk about their stuff and want others to be interested in it, too. Healthy collections will be organized (most of the time) and ready for display. Some kids even enjoy budgeting their allowance so they can add to their collections.

Hoarders are different, according to the institute, a private mental health practice in New York. Hoarders associate their collections with embarrassment, and they tend to feel uncomfortable when others see or touch their things. Collecting is something the child wants to do. Hoarding is something children feel they need to do.

Hoarding, according to the American Psychiatric Association, is a complex disorder and is characterized by persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions, regardless of the value others may attribute to these possessions.

Different than adult hoarding

Hoarding among kids tends to be more contained than adult hoarding, which can spread across an entire home, according to the New York-based Child Mind Institute.

Children, for example, might hoard under their bed or in areas of their bedroom. And it might not be immediately obvious to an observer because disorganization is so common among children.

Hoarding in kids is more about difficulty letting go, rather than acquisition, according to the Boston-based International Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation. Young kids don’t usually have access to money and transportation that would let them shop all the time. For young children, hoarding may look different, because parents control what kids can buy, and the level of clutter in their rooms.

Parents should watch for intense attachments to objects and the tendency to stockpile items. Stockpiling can include clothing, food, toys, trash (such as gum and candy wrappers), rocks and even cups of sand.

Hoarding can start young

Hoarding affects an estimated 2 percent to 5 percent of the adult population, according to the International OCD Foundation. And the disorder can begin early in life. More than 40 percent of adult hoarders first start showing hoarding behavior by the time they’re 15 years old. Though hoarding behaviors typically start around age 13, children as young as 3 can suffer from the disorder.

Codi Williamson, a third-grade teacher and mother of two in Pataskala, Ohio, said she and her husband constantly struggle with their 4-year-old son’s stockpiles of stuff.

“As long as I can remember, anything that he could fit into a container and carry around, was always with him. He would be obsessed with it,” Williamson said. “He loves grocery bags with handles.” Williamson said her son carries around normal items such as toys and cards, but also keeps used flossers and anything else he can find to jam into a box or bag.

“He doesn’t like to get rid of it,” she said. “About once a month, we go through it, sometimes when he’s not looking.” Williamson and her husband also try to reason with their son to explain why it’s important to let things go.

Panic is a warning sign

If a child doesn’t just protest, but panics when asked to get rid of old, unnecessary possessions or clutter, it can be a warning sign, said Katherine Quie, a child psychologist at Psych Recovery in St. Paul.
“A dead give away is when the child can’t tolerate others touching it or cleaning it up. They feel really panicky at the idea of anything happening to it,” Quie said. “The child is putting too much meaning on belongings. It’s so meaningful, that they literally panic if they get rid of it. They might not want to leave their stuff, so they carry it with them.”

Quie stresses that it’s normal for kids to be upset when they have to say goodbye to some toys, like at a garage sale, or donating an old, favorite stuffed animal. But, she said, parents can usually talk a child through it. “With a child [with hoarding tendencies], all the normal talking through does not work.”

Quie explains that kids will hoard for different reasons. On several occasions, she has worked with young children who hoarded food in large quantities due to food scarcity experiences in their pasts.

“A lot of times,” she said, “the kids don’t understand why they’re doing it.”

Symptoms

According to the New York-based Child Mind Institute, mental health providers check for three principal characteristics when diagnosing hoarding — persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions, regardless of their actual value; cluttered living spaces from having so many possessions; and significant distress or functional impairment.

While a rock or stamp collector might search out specific items for his collection, a hoarder will acquire items seemingly at random and then struggle when asked to part with them. The most notable sign of hoarding among children, according to the institute, is the emotional reaction to their possessions, according to the institute. Children with a hoarding disorder are constantly worried about their possessions — so much that it interferes with their functioning and becomes a major source of tension between them and their parents.

Treatment

For children age 8 and younger, psychologists often work with parents to set up a behavioral plan, to first stop a child from acquiring new things and then use incentives to work on gradually getting rid of some of the hoarded objects. For older children, cognitive behavioral therapy can be helpful. Children can learn to understand why they feel compelled to hoard and how to decide which possessions are worth keeping and which should be discarded. Medications can also be incorporated into treatment, according to the institute, which offers a mental health symptom checker at childmind.org.

Prevention

If your child isn’t showing signs of obsessive-compulsive hoarding, but you feel overwhelmed by the amount kid collections in your home (and want to discourage any tendencies toward hoarding), try these tips from Jan Lehman, a professional organizer with Can the Clutter (cantheclutter.com), which serves clients in Minnesota and Oregon.

• Create a permanent “donate” bin or space in your home to collect old toys and other unneeded items. Teach kids to put toys and clothes in the bin regularly.
• Be sure all storage containers are easy to use, including open bins versus bins with tight-fitting lids.
• Organize various spaces with your child. Use timers and make it game: “Let’s see how much we can organize in 10 minutes!”
• Let your child create a memorabilia box for some of their precious items. Store it somewhere outside of your child’s room.
• Ask for gifts that provide experiences, rather than toys, such as tickets to a movie or memberships to a museum.
• Give detailed instructions: “Pick up your clothes and put them away,” instead of general commands: “Clean your room.”

Resources

• American Psychiatric Association, psych.org
• Bio Behavioral Institute, biobehavioralinstitute.com
• Child Mind Institute, childmind.org
• International OCD Foundation, ocfoundation.org

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Kelly Jo McDonnell lives in Lino Lakes with her son, 11. She is a freelance writer and a producer/writer with Minnesota Bound on KARE 11 TV.

 

My son has a fort. It’s wedged between two evergreens in our backyard, and houses such treasures as slabs of wood and other knick-knacks. An old green army tarp hung by bungee cords serves as a wall. And while I sometimes sigh loudly at the amount of items that find their way into my son’s fort, I leave it alone. A few
years ago my father told me that a boy’s fort in nature is his sanctuary and refuge. “Treat it as such,” he warned.

I would never argue that point, as my own childhood memories are steeped in the great outdoors. Many of the most cherished recollections I have involve either a vacation up north or my own fort nestled in a thicket. I want my son to have those memories, too, but I worry the experience won’t be the same. And I’m not the only parent thinking this. There is a growing disconnect between our kids and nature.
According to Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Woods and The Nature Principle, it’s a phenomenon—and not a good one. It was Louv who first came up with the term, “Nature deficit disorder” when his Last Child in the Woods book came out in 2005. His hypothesis is basically that people, especially children, are spending less time outdoors.

Why is this happening? The reasons are myriad, and a few, obvious. One I can relate to is “stranger danger,” or as Louv calls it in his book, the Bogeyman syndrome. “Fear is the most potent force that prevents parents from allowing their children the freedom they themselves enjoyed when they were young,” he explains. “Fear is the emotion that separates a developing child from the full, essential benefits of nature. Fear of traffic, of crime, of stranger-danger—and of nature itself.”
My boundaries growing up included the entire town. Admittedly, my son’s boundaries are tighter. In a 2002 survey by TNS Intersearch for American Demographics magazine, 56 percent of parents in the U.S. said that by the time they were 10 years old they were allowed to walk or bike to school, but only 36 percent of those same parents said their own children should be allowed to do the same.
Restricted access

The loss of wild surroundings is another factor. In more and more cities and suburban neighborhoods, it can be tough to find green. But it’s worth looking for: a team study by researchers in Sweden, Australia, and the U.S. found that when children played in an environment dominated by play structures rather than natural elements, the kids established social hierarchy through physical competence. But by offering a grassy area with a few shrubs, and the kids engaged in more fantasy-style play, and their social standing became based less on physical abilities and more on language and creative skills. And a bonus: open play also provided greater opportunities for boys and girls to play together in egalitarian ways.
Even if you find a park or nature preserve, kids are seeing more restricted access. “Do not walk off the trail” one sign recently warned me at a neighborhood park. Everyone understands that the natural environment must be protected, but Louv questions the cost of that protection in some instances, and the direct impact it has on a child’s relationship with nature. Even environmentalists and educators, he points out, say, “look but don’t touch.” But sometimes that’s the only way to learn, especially for kids.
And a third obvious cause, of course, is the increased draw to spend time inside looking at screens, including computer, video, and television. The average American child spends 44 hours a week with some form of electronic media.

The effects of this are sobering. Our kids have a limited respect for their natural surroundings. Louv points out that this will be an even bigger problem down the road. “An increasing pace in the last three decades, approximately, of a rapid disengagement between children and direct experiences in nature…has profound implications, not only for the health of future generations but for the health of the Earth itself.”

Research has shown that people who care about the earth now spent time in the natural world as children. GreenHeart Education stresses that we owe it to our children to give them unmediated time in nature, so
that, as one native elder explained, “the land will remember them.” That is, they will feel grounded and have a sense of “home” that they care about.

Another impact of nature deficit may be the development of attention disorders. Louv suggests that going outside and being in the quiet and calm can help kids. “It’s a problem because kids who don’t get nature- time seem more prone to anxiety, depression, and attention-deficit problems.” As a mother of an ADHD son, this research is worth watching. Some tips include encouraging your child to play in outdoor green spaces, study or play in rooms with views of nature, or plant and care for gardens and trees at your place of residence. Louv explains that although the impact of nature experiences on attention disorders and on wider aspects of child health is in its infancy and easily challenged, it’s not to be brushed over. “Yes, more research is needed, but we do not have to wait for it. If, as a growing body of evidence recommends, contact with nature is as important to children as good nutrition and adequate sleep, then current trends in children’s access to nature need to be addressed.”

Childhood obesity is another issue, and about nine million children ranging in age from six to 11 are overweight or obese, according to The Institute of Medicine. It’s time for kids to move more, which means getting off the couch and heading outside and away from screen-time. Blogger Marc Bekoff of Psychology Today says it may be an uphill battle for parents, but “we need to rewild our children before it’s too late.”
While my generation may have been the first to experience Atari and MTV, we also played kick the can, fished in creeks, and had more free-roaming boundaries outside. While some good works are already taking root, such as an environment-based education movement, a simple-living movement, and schoolyard greening, there’s always more work to be done.

With luck, our kids will realize their sense of purpose in this cause. After all, I can only hope that, someday, my son will want his own children to have an outdoor fort. A refuge, a sanctuary. Army tarp and all.
GET OUTSIDE!

Here are some fun ideas to get things going with the cause.
Got dirt? A truckload of dirt costs about the same as a video game, so how about buying a load and throwing in some plastic buckets and shovels?
Plant some native plants, or maintain a birdbath. Invite some native flora and fauna in your kid’s life.
Revive some older family traditions. Collect lightning bugs at dusk, and release them at dawn. Collect feathers or leaves. How about crawdadding? (Tie a piece of bacon on a string, and drop it into a creek or pond. Wait until a crawdad tugs.)
Encourage kids to go camping in the backyard. Put up a tent (you can rent them inexpensively through REI) or help them make a canvas tepee and leave it up all summer. (For some other great ideas, go to nwf.org.)
Tell your kids stories about your special childhood places in nature, then help them find their own. Encourage kids to build a fort, hut, or tree house.
Combine tech with nature and go digital—with nature photography that is. Digital cameras save money on film, and are decreasingly expensive.
Go on a moth walk. It sounds weird, but it’s worth it. Mix (in a blender) overripe fruit or wine, and blend in honey, sugar, or molasses. Go outside at sunset and spread the goop on a few trees or untreated wood. Go back when it’s dark, flashlight in hand, and see what you’ve lured. With luck, you’ll probably find moths, ants, earwigs, and other bugs.
It’s Minnesota, so in the winters build an igloo or snow cave, or go sledding, snow tubing, or snowshoeing. Stay outside!

The film I produced, “My Last Breath” screened at the Twin Cities Film Fest this last week – we received runner up for Best Short Documentary and runner up for Audience Favorite! (in photo: Cy Dodson (director) Kelly Jo McDonnell (producer) and Josh LaRue (documentary subject)